God save the queen

In Boston there is a red line which runs through many a crowded street. Legend has it that only the true of heart might follow this line. A person who reaches its very end would overcome all human desire and attain the ultimate nirvana. And so the line gets its name..."the freedom trail"..
To be perfectly fair the line ends up in the water.
Though mystically coherent the above lines about the red line are not true.
The line, and this part is supposedly historically verifiable( which may not prove too much of a problem if you have a history which is contemporary literature compared with my family tree..)
was actually the trail that the revered Paul Revere galloped down with his famous rhetoric of the "English are coming."
He did this more than once of course, finally getting it right when it was too late to do anything about the bloody blighters anyways.
Which further goes to validate my opinion that the American people are a trusting race.
And that Georgie Porgie sincerely cares about Iraq.
More than a couple of centuries later and Reverend Paul is at peace in alarmist heaven along with the shepherd boy who was eaten by a wolf and the town bell.
"The English are coming." "The English are coming"
Nanny Beth, also known as Lizzy the second is in the land of the free, and Bush with the aide of his comrades and half of Motown is laying down the Red carpet.
Last i heard, Laura was supervising the onerous task of whitewashing the White House.
The occasion of course is the Royal mummy of state dinners which is to be held this weekend. It is an exclusive enough event for Bush Sr. not to be invited ,(No pa! You've had your dayng fun with Lizzie, its my turn to be on top..) and we finally get to see George eating with cutlery!
The dinner is what is called a"white tie occasion." For the bourgeoisie amongst us that is not a "black tie" do held in the white house. Indeed, white tie dinners can be held anywhere in the world and Martha Stewart has one every morning. The event has a strict dress code- dress shirts and coattails with or without the coat. For those who are lucky enough to have got an invitation, the night promises to be one of elegance, grace and the one time in their lives they will be able to keep a straight face while talking about fox hunting. For the uninitiated majority, it will be an evening do' jour , the only time they well and truly see their nation-makers running around with their tails behind their backs.(sex scandals and political gaffes notwithstanding. Not that the Bush admin. has had any..)
The G-man has been getting tips on how to interact with the queen. Some of the better ones are:
1. Shake Queenie's hand only when she proffers her hand to be shaken. The rest of the time try keeping your naughty appendages in your pocket. If they get bored which will most likely hapen play pocket ping pong with them.
2. Don't fart, choke or laugh. Dont squiggle your nose or do your favorite Osama imitation.
3. Try and remember that England is not your pet dog or the name of a place where you get good lobster. It is another country.
3. Drink from a glass and eat from your plate. If you feel the urge to go to the bathroom don't make pee pee jokes about John. Rather try to excuse yourself elegantly. If you have your mouth stuffed with chilli and cannot excuse yourself let Laura do it for you.
4. On second thought always let Laura do it for you.
5. Just because you cannot understand the Queen's accent does not give you the right to start talking texas.
6. Even better don't talk. Condi and Dick can handle it better.
7. Once the queen stops eating, everyone has to stop eating. Do not try to remedy the situation by stuffing your pocket with food. You will be discovered.
8. If you get uncomfortable because of all the uppity snobs around you don't squirm in your seat or dig your nose. Instead, try kicking Bill Clinton under the table. He might know what to. Don't kick the queen by mistake.
9. Okay. Kick the queen. But don't kick Hillary. Never kick Hillary.
10. Cancel the state dinner.